January 19, 2010

Those Who Trust

I used to blog... a lot.  I think it was a way for me to keep my sanity in a way.  I would talk about anything and everything... my spiritual life and my frustrations and my hopes and dreams.  And people would read it!  And share in these experiences and encourage me along my path.  I don't know what happened, but somewhere along the way about 5 years ago I stopped.  And I now kind of have this sense of CRAVING it and needing to journal and get whatever is bottled up out!!  I have another blog - lgriffis.blogspot.com... but for some reason I just don't feel the freedom to write like I used to.  Maybe because I am no longer a student but in the real world and feeling the pressure of whatever I say being read and used in some way that I didn't intend.  Truth is - some things are just too personal and there are people in the online world (such as board members, co-workers, colleagues, etc.) that I know I wouldn't want reading what I truly want to write about.  And I don't want to come across as this having anything to do with my place of work.  But this is real life... real pain... real joy.  And so I begin this blog... "those who trust".

"Those who trust" refers to the verse in Psalm 125:1.  I went through MANY verses (and blog titles that were already taken) before landing on this, but I kept coming back to it.  I think right now this is right where I am spiritually.  God is asking me to let go and put trust in him in ways he NEVER has before.  And it is hard and heart-wrenching, but so very worth it.  I am struggling with it, because it is just not in my nature to give up control.  I think it is human nature, but I just have a hard time with the unknown and not being able to know or understand what God has planned for my life.  This is where trust comes in.  And so - I titled my blog "those who trust"... because I think over time this blog will really prove to be my journey of trying to become one of those who trust... in a real and genuine way.

I think that I may open this blog to be read at some point in time.  Mostly because I have felt great encouragement when I have opened myself up and allowed others to see the good and bad and relate in some way.  So I am sure some of my best friends and spiritual encouragers will be invited to read and respond.  But my ONLY stipulation is just to be real and honest.  This blog is committed to growth and truth and I promise to be nothing but genuine.  I can't tell you the RELIEF I feel in just opening this up.  I have always journaled (see xanga.com/lnz1084), but have had a sort of writers block over the past 5 years and I feel like I am in a place right now where this will be therapeutic once again. :-)  I can't wait for this journey.

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