February 4, 2010

Step Two

Obviously, when you are trying to conceive, I think it is impossible to ignore all the babies and pregnant women around you.  It seems like it is everywhere... and it is hard to not look at them and feel that deep desire to have a child of your own.  Lately, I see these pregnant women and babies and find myself wondering how they got there.  I think the old joke of "where babies come from" is a lot more real to me... people laugh saying someone got "knocked up"... thinking they got pregnant the traditional way by just doing it and *poof* they are pregnant.  I now know that for a lot of people that isn't the case... and I find myself wondering what their story is.  How did they long for that child and spend months or years waiting to see those two pink little lines confirming their dreams had come true?  And for many people, it isn't "doing the deed" at all that got them there... in many cases, it was rounds of medication, IUI, IVF, etc.  I just wonder what people's stories are.  I am happy to embrace my story... as long or as short as it ends up being, because it is my story and I know that I am not the author... God is.  And I can trust in that.

We have our semen analysis scheduled for Monday.  J is being such a trooper... obviously it is NOT fun for him, but he continually assures me that he is 100% on board to do what we need to do to make this happen.  I am just praying that it will be a simple answer... that J's swimmers will be just fine and one round of clomid to adjust my cycle and my hormones to be able to sustain a pregnancy will be all that we need.  It gets a lot more expensive after that and we aren't prepared at this point to spend $10,000 on IVF.  Of course that is like Step 8 and we are on Step 2... but still.  I am a planner and I just want to prepare myself for this to be a potentially long journey.  Anyway... luckily with this semen analysis this is something that can be done at home :-) and I can take the sample to the fertility clinic.  No shady rooms with shady magazines or anything like that... gosh no.  Thank goodness it isn't like the movies. :-)  J is much more comfortable with it this way.

My doctor told me a story of a family who did the semen analysis (are you sick of hearing me say that?) and found that the husband had literally ZERO count.  There are things (expensive things?) they can do to try to increase it, but it doesn't always work... and it is usually by a very small percentage.  Well, a small percentage of ZERO is still ZERO (I know my math)... and this family chose to just stop right there.  They were going to adopt.  I kind of feel like I would do the same thing.  J and I already agreed that we aren't going to go multiple rounds of treatment and stress... really just one round of IVF (or however many embryo's there are) and call it good.  If no luck - we are adopting.  We feel very compelled and called to adopt anyway.  We think we'd like to have 2 of our own and adopt 2 (of course these are my plans... we'll see what God has in store).

As always... thanks for your prayers!!

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