March 15, 2010

Enough.

So I've been wrestling with a few things lately.  I feel like I am being challenged in new ways and it is good, but hard.  For various reasons, I am feeling the weight of how LITTLE control I have over life and my future.  In the middle of all of this... the frustration, confusion, unknown... I find God poking and prodding at my heart and asking me, simply "Am I enough?... if, for some reason, you are not able to have any of this, will you let me be enough?".

Ouch.

That question is just ringing in my heart right now - will I let God be enough to fill me if my life doesn't go as I "plan".  If for some reason the cards I have been dealt is not exactly what I hoped or dreamed, will I let God be enough??  God alone is enough to fill me... everything else is a gift and blessing from God, but God is enough.  I need to embrace that and seek out God harder than ever before.  This question is heavy on me for many reasons... first is the terrifying thought that God could actually ask me to let him be enough and to not receive certain things I desire... and the second is the joy in knowing that God has the ability to be enough for me!!  I need to let his spirit fill me and stop trying to find value in other things.

SO... heavy thoughts to start the week  Sorry about that.  :-)  But important, I think... regardless of what you have or don't have.  Every day I realize more and more how God truly is the only one who can fill me and everything else will only disappoint.  I don't know why I keep trying to find replacements for God in my life.  Part of the journey I guess. :-)

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