May 25, 2010

The truth.

My doctor has confirmed my worst fear.  We are losing this baby.  It is funny how at peace I feel in this moment though.  I can truly feel the prayers of so many people cover us right now.  God is near and is covering us in this time of need.

The good thing is, my doctor believes I am already taking care of this miscarriage naturally, and he doesn't think I will need any assistance through medication or D&C.  But I have a follow-up appointment next week to be certain.  On the way home my cramping got worse and by the time I got home I was in such excruciating pain I couldn't hardly handle it.  It was so painful it was making me vomit and I just felt like it would never end.  It has ended though... and now an hour or so later I feel "normal".  I really hope and pray that was it and the pain will stay away.

I am learning more and more about God's sovereignty.  That I am truly not in control (even of the things that I think I am).  I am constantly reminded to be on my knees and to surrender.  I have all these plans and timetables of when I think things should happen.  I think I need to learn to be patient and to truly wait on the Lord in faithfulness and trust.  This has been a difficult lesson to learn.

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