It has been awhile since I've written, but I am here... alive and well.
Actually, feeling more full and alive than I have for a long time. I don't know what it is, but I think I have finally found some peace. I have come to a quiet in my soul where I know that God is a God of love, and not pain... and that he is the God that rejoices with me in happy times, and walks slowly with me in desperate times.
Today - I am letting go of my agenda and my idea of what my life should look like... I am letting go of my expectations of myself, people, and especially God... I am letting go of fear, worry, anxiety... and I am clinging to hope, peace, joy... and the way I have grown and will continue to grow throughout this whole experience. I will forever be changed by this, but that is what God had in mind all along right? He does nothing and allows nothing in vain, but for his glory.
I finally ovulated this week... I am 7dpo right now - so waiting another 5 days or so to test. This is panning out to be a 62 day cycle... lovely. If I do get AF, I am calling my doctor right away to get clomid. I can't wait another 62 days to start. I thought I was totally out of the running, but there is still hope for a March baby!
Pray for a sticky baby for me... and that my fear would continue to be replaced with hope and peace.