August 21, 2010

176.

I think a baby's heartbeat is the most beautiful sound in the world.  I remember clearly at the ER at the end of May, going to the ER and just hoping and waiting for a heartbeat that I never heard.  I am finding myself very emotional about our loss today - even though I know there is a bouncing gummy baby inside of me right now.  I am SO happy to have this baby, but still so sad that I was never able to make it this far with my first baby.  It is a weird mix of emotions.  It is hard for me to be TRULY excited without a good dose of fear.  Especially because I have been bleeding/spotting for my ENTIRE pregnancy.  God - your lesson on sovereignty is understood!  It is OUT of my hands!!

But, I have good news.  Three days ago I had a doctors appt at 8 weeks 3 days and I heard my gummy baby's heartbeat again.  176.  Nice and strong.  He said I am not bleeding from my uterus, but my cervix and it is nothing to worry about.  Well... I still worry.  So long as there is blood - I will worry, but I am becoming a bit more numb to it at least.

I will be 9 weeks pregnant tomorrow! (Yippee!!) And in 2 weeks I get to stop progesterone supplements, which will hopefully aide in me feeling better.  And in 4 weeks I will be in 2nd trimester (finally) and have another doctors appt where we will hopefully hear the heartbeat yet again.

Still praying for my gummy baby... stick baby stick.

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