November 24, 2010

Thankful {even in suffering}

I have MUCH to be thankful for.

But today I am going to talk about something kind of different.  Emma, at work, got me thinking about being thankful in our sufferings.  At our staff meeting this week, we went around and shared an example of something that was hard for us in the past year, but that we saw God's hand in and so we were able to be thankful.  I knew right away what my answer would be, but knowing that it would be emotional for me, it took me awhile to figure out how to talk about it.

This past year was the most painful of my life.  When we experienced the miscarriage at the end of May, I struggled and suffered unlike any time I have ever known.  It was so hard for me to wrap my mind around why God would allow that to happen to me... and to understand why I had such a hard time finding peace.  It never shook my belief, but it TOTALLY shook my understanding of God's sovereignty, because I was closer than I had ever been before.  I was forced to trust in his goodness even though I was in so much pain.

Early last summer, there was a series of messages at Crossroads Bible Church (where Jordan and I are members) about suffering, and embracing your suffering because it is in those moments that we are close to Christ and can relate to HIS suffering.  We talked a lot in our small group about suffering well and suffering in Christ and what that meant.  I knew the timing was perfect for where I was in my life... but now, looking back, even though it is still emotional for me to talk about, I can SO CLEARLY see the hand of God in my life during that time.  He was my comfort.  I felt that I was able to identify with the suffering of Christ in a new way, and appreciated God's gift of his son (and his death) more than I ever have been able to before.  I grew up a lot this summer, in ways that I know that I never would have, had I never experienced such pain.  For that, I am thankful. :-)

And NOW - I am thankful for this wonderful wiggle worm of a son I have in my belly.  I still can hardly believe how God has blessed us with this child and shown himself to be SO GOOD.  I just cannot wait to meet this little guy.

More than anything this past year, I have grown to see my husband in a completely different way.  Let me tell you, this man is amazing.  I can honestly say, I had no idea how good of a man I had when I married him (and I still knew he was pretty cool - HAH).  But in the past year, he has just served and served and served me.  When I was at my lowest point, even though (as a man) I knew he didn't understand my pain, he did his best to... and he just let me be where I was, without asking me to change or heal or get up from the couch. :-)  He just loved me where I was.  That spoke volumes to me.  And now, in this pregnancy, he continues to serve me... putting my needs above his, constantly working and running himself into the ground to provide for me and our child and making sure the house is in order when I have just been too exhausted to do anything.  He is the real deal, you all.  He seeks Christ with his WHOLE heart and just cares for people in such a genuine way.  He makes me want to love and serve better, and be a better person.  I feel like my words haven't done justice to how amazing he has been to me.  All I can say is, I LOVE this man, and I am SO SO thankful for him.  I don't know how I got so lucky.  He is going to be an amazing father, and I can't wait to journey with him into parenthood.

*whew* How is that for an emotional post.

Here is that awesome man I am talking about.

 {Jordan and I... taken October 2010}

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE your love for Jordan! I think you might just love him more than David does... ;)