January 14, 2011

January 14.

Okay... so I know I am not ready to pop.  I have a good 10(ish) weeks of ballooning up before I pop, but I gotta say I am suddenly feeling the time crunch.  10 weeks... means only 10 weekends of preparation... weekends that are getting packed full quickly with plans - baby and non-baby related.  It's crazy.  I can hardly wrap my mind around how my life is going to completely change in 10 weeks.

I'm not stressing out... I'm motivated to get things done.  I have a 4 day weekend I'm dedicating largely to getting some of these tedious "to do's" crossed off my list.  Right now I'm prepping my cloth diapers.  Who knew it took so long?!  I have to wash pre-folds and my all-in-ones separately, because of the oils in the prefolds... and a good 5-10 washes EACH before they will be absorbent enough to use on my little guy.  I'm not the greatest at keeping up with laundry, but I have a feeling this is going to force me to.  I'm SUPER excited to use cloth though.  It will save us tons of money, and the perk is that they are so dang cute.  So I am 100% on board with cloth... whether I end up liking it or not.

Anyway... to change subjects completely... today is January 14.  I've thought about this day many times... wondering how I would feel... and I still don't know how to feel.  Today is my "would be" due date for the baby we lost last Spring.  Our miscarriage baby.  I truly don't know how I feel.  I think about that baby, and I feel so very sad that I wasn't able to carry him or her longer... to experience a full-term pregnancy and eventually meet him/her.  It is SO sad.  But -- on another note, I know that this little boy I am carrying today would not have existed had we not had that first loss.  What strange emotions.  I am so in love with this baby I am carrying now... and SO SO thankful that God blessed us with another child so quickly.  It still blows my mind how it all played out.  All I know is that God is sovereign... his ways are not our ways... there are many things that I will never understand about why he puts us on the path we are on... but I know he is good through it all.  We are so blessed to be expecting this child in 10 weeks.  I am very VERY glad I didn't have to experience this January 14 without my little guy bouncing in my belly.  

{The rings I bought in remembrance of our miscarriage baby... the emerald - the birthstone for the month of May, which is when we discovered we were pregnant (May 3) and lost our baby (May 26)... then the large crystal-like stone representing our faith, hope, and love for our future children... which God has so graciously blessed us with.  I plan to get more smaller "stacked" rings symbolizing the birth months of our future children as they arrive.}

4 comments:

  1. I love you so much, my very first baby. I get teary thinking about the incredible joy you'll experience seeing and holding this precious little boy for the first time. I know that joy...and I know that it just keeps growing and growing and growing. I still have it every time I look at you. oxox.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love the rings (and the meaning behind them). Where did you get them?!

    ReplyDelete
  3. :-) Love you mom!

    Meghan -- I got them off etsy. {I LOVE ETSY!!} Here is the seller: http://www.etsy.com/shop/twochickstoo

    They weren't designed with that meaning in mind, but in my searching they just stood out to me and I felt like it was exactly what I was looking for.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I shared/share a lot of the same emotions as you. I LOVE Rory so much and can't imagine life without her and I know without my loss she wouldn't be here but at the sametime I know I would have felt the sameway about our first baby. It is such a strange feeling. Eitherway I'm so excited for you and thankful that you get to experience today with a sweet baby boy in your belly :)

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...