January 24, 2011

Out of control.

Control is a funny thing. We think we have it, but we never ever do. I don't know why this is a lesson I must learn over and over.

The funny thing about control is when you really TRY to have control, it just causes more anxiety (in me at least) because there is absolutely no way I can control everything. The short time I have experienced parenthood (within the womb), I have to constantly be reminded of this. Pregnancy can be a very fearful time if you let it be! I can dwell on all the "what if's" and let that drive me crazy. I control what I can and try to do everything right... I eat right, exercise right, sleep right, take my vitamins daily, etc... in the end, all I have done is the best I can to grow a healthy baby.

I've been thinking about this lately with birth and just becoming a new parent. I do have a plan in mind with the kind of birth I want... and I will do everything in my power to plan for that. However, at the end of the day, it is not up to me how this child makes his entrance into the world. I have got to let that go. Because I totally recognize that, and I can chose to let that cause fear in me... or peace in knowing that the Creator of Life has it all under control. I have to believe that God loves my child more than I do, and that he knows what is best. I have to surrender... over and over and over. Living in fear is no way to live. So, I will go ahead and make my plans according to what I feel is best for our family... and I'll let God decide how those will play out. Maybe that lack of control seems scary to some people, but for me I feel a HUGE wave of relief. I don't NEED to have it all figured out or controlled!! *phew* Because I'd be so horribly awful at it and exhausted trying to. I feel like clinging to this truth that God has be under his wing will replace my anxiety and worry with confidence and comfort. If only I didn't need to remind myself a bazillion times as I feel myself slip back into worry.

I found this website {www.birthingnaturally.net} a few weeks ago and have just fallen in love with it. Not only does it give some great information and education about pregnancy and childbirth, it also gives some EXCELLENT devotionals, meditations, etc. from the bible to help prepare you spiritually. I haven't taken the time I want to really dig in, but I can't wait to. I know bringing this child into the world will be a very spiritual experience... just as it is physical and emotional. I truly look forward to experiencing every facet of it. I will probably continue to do posts relating to these devotionals and meditations as I prepare for our little one.

Who is in Control?
A Pregnancy Devotional

{Jeremiah 27 8-15} As I read this passage while pregnant for my second child I wrote this note on the side:"You must go through birth not in control, just like Israel and Babylon."

As a childbirth educator I have seen that a common concern among women is that during labor they will be "out of control." I am not talking about not having control over decisions that will affect the labor. I mean the fear that they will say, act and feel things that will seem wild or crazy, and that they want to have the contraction pattern and discomfort to happen according to what they feel they can handle.

The idea that I am "in control" of what happens in labor is a lie. Just like any other time in life I have the ability to do things that will affect what is happening. My actions and attitudes can help or hinder the labor process, but at no time will I be in control. What do I mean? If a woman experiences back labor, she can change positions, do lunges and get on all fours. Someone can rub her back, she can even get an epidural. These things may help to move the baby or reduce her pain, but they may not. There is no guarantee because as a woman in labor, you are not in control.

God reminded me that He is always in control. Even when things are looking grim (like being taken captive), God is still in control. God is always watching over me and working out his plan for me. Reminding myself of that truth helped me to remain calm and confident during labor. And just as a side note: research has shown that women who are confident in their ability to labor report less pain.

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