February 28, 2011

Not going to freak out.

I think it is fair to say that one of the most massive life changing events is right on the horizon for me.  Being the controlling, planning person that I am, this can be cause for a little bit of freak out.  A few weeks ago I was having some doubt about my ability to do this.  Most of my fear surrounded just giving birth in general.  I felt like the odds were stacked against me and that I was bound to have an experience I did NOT want to have.  I just kept praying for peace... praying that Satan would have no room in my thoughts and that fear would not have a place in my dreams of giving birth.  I feel like in the past week, I've been able to TRULY find peace - and excitement - about the big day!  I have come to hope for the very best, but understand that God has the big day all planned out already, and that HIS plan will play out.  So long as that happens (which it will), I can find hope and peace and joy.  If that is different from my ideal plan, that is fine.  I'll do my part and trust that he gave me a body and being that is capable of giving birth and being a parent, and rely on Him to give me the strength I need no matter the circumstances. 

I have a feeling that trust and parenthood go hand and hand.  Also - surrender, obedience, and just being on your knees.  Even in early pregnancy, when I was experiencing complications and was put on rest for the first 14 weeks, I often found myself on my knees... knowing that this was God's child not mine, and only he could sustain this life.  And God gave me peace then, and he continues to give me peace when I need it.  I am overwhelmed by the fact that there is NO way I can parent this child apart from Him.  And this goes for giving birth, and everything that follows.

Anyway... I've just found myself thankful today that I am no longer overwhelmed with fear, but rather excitement and hope.  I just feel free today, and I love it.

And... relating to giving birth, I just wanted to share this quote by Ina May Gaskin - who wrote "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" (which I think every mama-to-be should read - emphasis is mine).
"Remember this, for it is as true and true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo. Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body."


  1. Beautiful thoughts, honey. And when those moments pop up again when you feel "overwhelmed by the fact that there is NO way I can parent this child apart from Him", then turn to let yourself feel even more overwhelmed and awestruck by your amazing, incomprehensible God, who never intended that you should have to do any part of life apart from Him. He gives you all you need to do all He calls you to do. He loves you so, so much. And I bet He's downright giddy knowing intimately the gift you're about to receive from Him and the love that will flood your entire being as a result. After all, it will give you a new perspective on His Fatherly love for you.

    I love you so much, my first born.

  2. I love that quote, thank you so much for sharing it. I read the book but am thinking maybe it's time I flip through it again!