March 8, 2011

Thankful.

I've been impatient this week.  In my defense, I've been feeling pretty awful.  I'm getting to the end of this pregnancy journey and it is taking a toll on me physically.  And I'm exhausted.  I've had many "get this baby out of me" moments and sometimes even 3 weeks sounds like a long time to wait.  But, it is a small price to pay for what is to come.

I just got done reading the blog of a friend who has struggled with infertility for over 2 years.  I feel like I got a tiny taste of that struggle when it took us over a year to get pregnant, then experienced a loss, before getting our wonderful baby boy in my belly.  I remember month after month after month of disappointment - often coupled with anger and bitterness you try to fight.  I haven't forgotten that feeling.  You can imagine how foolish I felt, sitting here feeling impatient that my baby is AT MOST 33 days away from me (if I do go 2 weeks late)... when I am reminded that there are people who would give anything to be in my shoes.

When we were trying for a baby, I would often say that I didn't care if I knew having a baby was 3 years and thousands of dollars away - it was the unknown month after month that was so difficult.  It is easy find a reason to be patient when you have a countdown, like I do.  But I just feel for those of you who long for motherhood in your hearts and struggle every day with when and how that will ever happen.

So - I apologize for my impatience.  I can wait 33 days.

Know that those of you who are still waiting for a countdown are in my prayers.

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