I have had a job since I was 14 years old. I worked for Janie's Cookie Company in the mall and baked cookies and scooped ice cream. I can't believe my parents drove me to work every day after school, but I wanted to work. I guess you can say I've always been a busy body.
Since then I've been a sales associate, tanning salon manager, direct care provider, community living support, leasing consultant, staffing specialist, and most recently (and most favoritely) Development Director at an absolutely wonderful non-profit organization for the past 3 years.
I have loved working for Access of West Michigan for the past 3 years. They are an amazing organization that works with hunger and poverty issues in Kent County. Even more amazing than the work they do are the hearts of those who do it. This is a group of passionate people. And passion is contagious. I have been encouraged, challenged, and uplifted by people I call my Access family for the past 3 years.
And I'm going to really really miss them.
See, I really wanted to be one of those moms work worked a couple days a week and stayed home with my little guy the rest of the week. I thought I had the perfect scenario to work from home 10 hours a week and in the office on Tuesdays. But what I found is that working from home is HARD. I didn't like feeling like the time my son was awake was an "inconvenience" because I had SO much to do. I didn't like my attention split and not being able to compartmentalize my work vs. home duties. I didn't like how I felt like I was failing as a wife and mother and employee, simply because I am not super wife/mom/woman. In short, I felt like I was trying to do everything, and none of it well.
It was clear to me working from home wasn't working. It was either work in the office 2-3 days a week or don't work at all.
Oh, how I struggled with this. Like I said, I wanted to be one of those moms. The ones who can work and enjoy a career and be a good mom. I just wasn't settled with this in my spirit. I just knew that it was best for my family for me to stay at home. It was best for my marriage and best for my son. But I had a very hard time sacrificing my role as Development Director. Because I love my job and love the people I work with. It would be a sacrifice... a big one. Financially... career-wise. And I wrestled with this for 3 months. I prayed for clarity and peace. I feel that God gave me insight into my own motives for wanting to keep working. It is hard to let go of something that you have found identity in for over 12 years of your life. My entire life until now has been about career. I didn't go to college to learn how to be a SAHM. "What do you do?" is one of the first questions people ask you. I'll admittedly say that I struggled with letting go of this title I had define me for so long.
But the truth is, work doesn't define me. Working at Access doesn't make me any more or less of a person. It doesn't make me any more or less capable. It doesn't make me any more or less valuable. What does define me is that I am a daughter of the King and I have committed myself to seeking him with my whole heart. And the answer is clear. I know I will never regret the decision to invest in my son and my family with 100% of my focus and attention.
So a couple weeks ago I sat down with my boss and told him I needed to stay home with my boy. Tears were shed, hugs were had, and I was told that if I ever needed a job again to give them a call first. And I definitely will.
So, in short, come the end of September I will have a new job title. Stay At Home Mom!!! I am VERY excited to invest 100% in my sweet boy and my family. I know this is the right choice. It will not be easy. Financially, we obviously aren't dink's anymore (dual income no kids). But I don't think I'll look back and say I am so glad I worked so I could do that bathroom renovation 6 months earlier. I love the idea of taking my new "job" seriously and planning fun things for me and my boy to do as he grows older. And making our home a place that is stress-free for my husband.
But I am going to miss my Tuesdays in the office. Particularly this group of people.
But I cannot WAIT to spend the next 18+ years trying to raise this little guy into a Godly man.