September 9, 2011

My new job title.

I have had a job since I was 14 years old.  I worked for Janie's Cookie Company in the mall and baked cookies and scooped ice cream.  I can't believe my parents drove me to work every day after school, but I wanted to work.  I guess you can say I've always been a busy body.

Since then I've been a sales associate, tanning salon manager, direct care provider, community living support, leasing consultant, staffing specialist, and most recently (and most favoritely) Development Director at an absolutely wonderful non-profit organization for the past 3 years.


I have loved working for Access of West Michigan for the past 3 years.  They are an amazing organization that works with hunger and poverty issues in Kent County.  Even more amazing than the work they do are the hearts of those who do it.  This is a group of passionate people.  And passion is contagious.  I have been encouraged, challenged, and uplifted by people I call my Access family for the past 3 years.

And I'm going to really really miss them.

See, I really wanted to be one of those moms work worked a couple days a week and stayed home with my little guy the rest of the week.  I thought I had the perfect scenario to work from home 10 hours a week and in the office on Tuesdays.  But what I found is that working from home is HARD.  I didn't like feeling like the time my son was awake was an "inconvenience" because I had SO much to do.  I didn't like my attention split and not being able to compartmentalize my work vs. home duties.  I didn't like how I felt like I was failing as a wife and mother and employee, simply because I am not super wife/mom/woman.  In short, I felt like I was trying to do everything, and none of it well.

It was clear to me working from home wasn't working.  It was either work in the office 2-3 days a week or don't work at all.

Oh, how I struggled with this.  Like I said, I wanted to be one of those moms.  The ones who can work and enjoy a career and be a good mom.  I just wasn't settled with this in my spirit.  I just knew that it was best for my family for me to stay at home.  It was best for my marriage and best for my son.  But I had a very hard time sacrificing my role as Development Director.  Because I love my job and love the people I work with.  It would be a sacrifice... a big one.  Financially... career-wise.  And I wrestled with this for 3 months.  I prayed for clarity and peace.  I feel that God gave me insight into my own motives for wanting to keep working.  It is hard to let go of something that you have found identity in for over 12 years of your life.  My entire life until now has been about career.  I didn't go to college to learn how to be a SAHM.  "What do you do?" is one of the first questions people ask you.  I'll admittedly say that I struggled with letting go of this title I had define me for so long.

But the truth is, work doesn't define me.  Working at Access doesn't make me any more or less of a person.  It doesn't make me any more or less capable.  It doesn't make me any more or less valuable.  What does define me is that I am a daughter of the King and I have committed myself to seeking him with my whole heart.  And the answer is clear.  I know I will never regret the decision to invest in my son and my family with 100% of my focus and attention.  

So a couple weeks ago I sat down with my boss and told him I needed to stay home with my boy.  Tears were shed, hugs were had, and I was told that if I ever needed a job again to give them a call first.  And I definitely will.

So, in short, come the end of September I will have a new job title. Stay At Home Mom!!!  I am VERY excited to invest 100% in my sweet boy and my family.  I know this is the right choice.  It will not be easy.  Financially, we obviously aren't dink's anymore (dual income no kids).  But I don't think I'll look back and say I am so glad I worked so I could do that bathroom renovation 6 months earlier.  I love the idea of taking my new "job" seriously and planning fun things for me and my boy to do as he grows older.  And making our home a place that is stress-free for my husband.

But I am going to miss my Tuesdays in the office.  Particularly this group of people.


But I cannot WAIT to spend the next 18+ years trying to raise this little guy into a Godly man.



8 comments:

  1. congrats to you! It's hard when you feel so torn. I work a teensy bit from home and it's next to impossible. I hope the transition goes smoothly for you :)

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  2. Congrats at becoming a SAHM! Its a wonderful title to have! There are days that I miss not working more or less just getting out of the house at a scheduled time but i wouldn't change a thing!

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  3. Oh how I can relate. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that work was what I did not who I am. I still miss it often but I this is where I am supposed to be.

    Congrats!

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  4. I shed a few tears reading this, because I feel in the same place... What a gift that you have made the decision and have peace! You will never regret it!

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  5. Congrats on your "new job title" :) I struggled with this decision myself. I worked two days a week outside of the home when I had just my older daughter at home (I say "older", but she was 18 months when I had our second). But once baby #2 joined us, I decided it was too much work to work, especially with two babies under two. And I LOVE staying at home with my girls! However, I do still dream about maybe finding a job for just one day a week....just to keep me in the professional field still. I LOVE my job, so it's hard to not do it. There is so much pressure for us moms to do it ALL these days.

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  6. I'd say you're still very much the Development Director...just at home instead of Access. What a valuable job you've chosen! And I think you will succeed greatly and accomplish much...and I know one will man who will be sooo thankful and blessed for it for the rest of his life.

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  7. This is a really good, post, Lindsy. I love your honesty about the struggle. It is encouraging to me to see other women take their jobs seriously in raising their families. I believe you can do both- work outside the home and raise kids- but there is always a give and take. It is never the perfect picture the world makes it out to be. Staying home isn't perfect either, it presents its own struggles. But you are so right in seeing your identity in Christ. Thanks for this post!!!

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