October 5, 2011

A Confession: The green-eyed monster.

Confession time.

Lately I've been battling the green-eyed-monster.  You know the one.

 

I know you all have read this.  Brother Bear gets a new bike (and many other things if I remember) for his birthday, and Sister Bear can't quite handle it.  Yes, I'm talking about envy... jealousy.  It is a basic lesson in children's books, but I think this is very prevalent in our world today... but unfortunately we don't often talk about it.  We are bombarded every day with images in front of us of things that we need.  Or just things that we think we deserve.  Things that are better than what we have.

It is easy to get caught up in discontentment.  We start complaining about what we have.  We become ungrateful.  We make impulsive decisions.  And we aren't satisfied.  
{Or maybe it's just me?}

So, I am battling this like Sister Bear.  Only for me, it isn't a bike.  Lately, I caught myself having house envy... big time.  I've been struggling with this and praying about it for the past few months.  There are many things about my home that I would change and I flat out do not like.  I'm not going to list them here, because that would totally defeat the purpose of this post.  But I have had a hard time dealing with the fact that I feel stuck in a house that I feel we can't grow into.  It is very possible we will have 2-3 kids in this house.  Why is this such a touchy subject for me?

It's a destructive mindset.  And it is one that I must stop in its tracks.  I think envy is a sneaky little sly way for the enemy to get into our mind.  We start to become ungrateful and stop thanking the Lord for what we've been given.  This isn't about a bigger or better house.  Yes, our house is small.  Yes, having 3 kids in it would be crowded.  But it isn't anything that hasn't been done before.  And we probably will move someday.  But this envy thing.  This is about the state of my heart.

I am saying this because I don't like myself when I am in the habit of complaining and being discontent.  I don't like my heart and my mind, and I know the Lord doesn't either.  He asks me to refuse the world and to have my mind be renewed in Him.  Dwelling on uplifting things.  Building people up.  Being grateful.

There are greater things at stake here.  In this verse in Hebrews, it is clear that the Lord is saying that all we need is him... we can be content with the rest.  Money buys things... things that are just temporary.  And money in and of itself isn't bad, but the love of it and envy of those who have it... well, you cannot love God and money both {matt 6:24}.

There are better things to focus my energy on.  Like all of the fun, creative, things I am going to do with my boy in this house.  And the ways we have been blessed with this house.  Like the awesome trail that leads to the park by my house.  And the fact that this is a house that we can afford on one income.  We've been blessed in that way {even though we totally did not have a family on the brain when we bought it}.

And now that I am a stay-at-home-mama, I'm going to have to keep that Hebrews verse close to my heart.  Money won't be as available.  I will need to reign in my impulsiveness and practice patience and contentment.  Thanking God for what we've been given. 

Because we have a good great incredible life.  And an awesome little house I can't wait to create more memories in.

Our house in 2007 when we first bought it.

We are blessed!!




3 comments:

  1. Awesome post, Lindsy :) I think we all can relate to this in one way or another!
    I love reading through your blog... especially now that I am almost 18 weeks pregnant! Its great to read your journey through pregnancy and childbirth (I hope my labor isn't 80 hours, though!)... Thank you for sharing :)

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  2. I think those are normal, healthy feelings, but I applaud you for making the effort to stop them before they get ugly. We have a big, beautiful home that we just moved into two years ago, and I STILL have house envy every now and then. I think it's because, while I know we will be in this house for a good number of years and probably have all of our kids here, this isn't where we will raise them for most of their lives or where my husband and I will grow old together. We want to build a house someday, so sometimes I get really eager for that...and a big open floor plan and 3 car garage, etc... But when I start thinking that way, I just want to slap myself because we are so very blessed to have the home we live in. Anyway, just wanted to say that I totally understand your feelings. You aren't alone!

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  3. I can be so hard to fight that envy. Something I've been working on during our "radical" year and it hasn't been easy for me. Keep up the honesty because I love it :)

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