I mentioned it in Isaac's birth story, but prior to his birth I had a lot of fear. Fear about how adding to my family would change it. Fear about my relationship with Jude changing. Fear over if I could love this newest baby well enough. Fear about how much hard work two under two would be (and I always feel the need to distinguish... not just two under two... 15 months is very different from 24!).
Let me repeat (for myself), fear isn't of our Lord!
Something I am learning, to surrender my fears and worries to the Lord first. Be quick to pray. I tend to be quick to google. And in about 99.9% of these cases, google doesn't end up being the encouragement I'm looking for.
While I was pregnant, I searched for others' experience with two kids fifteen months apart, and my fear was only fueled. I read things like "I don't know how we made it through the first year", or "It's REALLY hard work - I wanted to pull my hair out", or "My goal was just to survive every day".
Wouldn't you be afraid?
Well, six weeks into this gig with two boys fifteen months apart, I can tell you I had no reason to fear. I wouldn't say it has been easy, but it certainly isn't the huge insurmountable task I had imagined. Parenting in general isn't easy. It is the most challenging and rewarding thing we will ever do. But I don't think that fact changes whether your kids are 15 months or 15 years apart. :-)
In an attempt to be a voice of encouragement in all the blogs out there putting fear into these future-Mamas' hearts, I will say that I have loved and having two boys so close. A few reasons why....
First of all, we are already in baby mode. I do diaper laundry a bit more often (because the boys are both in cloth), but I was surprised how easy it was to just slip Isaac right into the routine. Baths. Diapers. Laundry. Cribs. No huge transition in that sense.
Jude was too young to really get jealous. Of course this could just be his personality. But all-in-all he has pretty much ignored Isaac. I am pretty sure that now, six weeks later, Jude doesn't remember life without his baby brother. We had zero sleep regression or anything of the sort. Life just went on, only with a baby brother in the mix.
I just love watching this bond slowly develop between my boys. Right now it is basically Isaac happily watching Jude when he's in the room and Jude being on paci-patrol. Although, today I did catch Jude trying to give Isaac a drink from his sippy cup. But I know that in the years to come, these two will be permanent buddies and their close age means they will do everything together. This makes me very excited that God gave us two boys so close.
Despite what I imagined, I can count on one hand the number of times I have had two babies crying and needing me at once. Those moments do not make up my entire day, but rather are few and far between. And God has given me that mother-intuition that I need to make it through the challenging moments.
Really. That last one sums it up.
God has given me what I need for the moment. He chose me to parent these boys and he'll give me what I need to get through the challenging times. I won't lie. It is a busy life. A full life. A life full of opportunities to either freak out and question your abilities... or to stop. breathe. give it to God and thank him for the blessing of two sweet boys. And trust the intuition that he gave you.
But there are many many moments of pure joy in-between the challenges. It is not all chaos and craziness. It is also seeing first smiles again. Sweet baby coos. Hearing big brother say his baby brother's name for the first time. And more love than you thought was possible.
God showed me that he created me for this role. I am enough. In Him I am enough. I'm growing up a bit in this role and gradually gaining more and more confidence.
So, is two under
I don't know it any other way. And I wouldn't have it any other way.