September 25, 2012

My battle.

I need to be real for a minute tonight.

The evil one is on the prowl... trying to consume our minds, distract our intentions, and weaken our hearts.  Breeding insecurity, fear, inadequacy, loneliness... and so many more that I know too well.

I've been living there too long.  It takes work and strong intention to fill myself with truth and take each thought captive to our Creator who is truth.  I need to abide.

One thing about being a full-time, stay-at-home-mom is the lack of interaction with people who can share in a meaningful conversation.  I know, for me, there are times when I do feel lonely in the sense that I just really want to share my heart with another Mom and encourage, affirm, and understand each other.  But, too often, those get-togethers are distracted, half-finished, and I leave feeling like I didn't truly connect at all.

I really can't complain, because I have more amazing women in my life than I truly have time for.  More people that I would love to sit with over coffee and glean some wisdom from.  Encourage and be encouraged by.  Just love on.

I love that every Monday, I get to spend the morning with 10 women who are seeking after the Lord.  Every Sunday night I get to share life with our House Church and some of the most amazing women, wives, and mothers I know.  I get to be encouraged by my friend, Molly, daily as we read the word together and daily email about each of these ridiculous fears, insecurities, and frustrations that we deal with day in and day out.  I get to share life with my sister on the other side of the continent and read the same books and encourage one another in our very different lifestyles right now.

I value these times... sometimes too much... or in the wrong way, perhaps.  See, there is a sneaky little thing called insecurity.  Inadequacy.  A slippery slope I am all too familiar with.

There are many times I start to find my value and worth in what these women think of me.  I start to rely on them to tell me what I am.  And then Satan gets his sneaky little foot in there, and I start conjuring up things that didn't happen in my mind.  I said this wrong, so they must think I'm an idiot.  They said that to another person, and not me, so they must not like me as much.  On and on and on.  Insecurity.  Lies.

I don't know if it is a form of postpartum hormones, or what, but I have found myself going down that very slippery slope far too often in the past couple of months.  It got to the point, where, the places where I used to feel encouraged and uplifted did just the opposite, because I was too focused on myself and what everyone wasn't thinking, but I had convinced myself they were.  Even facebook.  Blogs.  I'd wallow in a pit of self-deprecation, believing I wasn't enough.


How's that for being real?

That's the dirt right there.  That's sin.  That's lies.

The other night I was laying awake ruminating over these falsehoods when I felt truth hit me.  Where do I find my value?  Insecurity, inadequacy, fear... these aren't characteristics of the God who calls me daughter.  

But He is love... that casts out fear.

Peace... beyond understanding.

He tells me to cast my burdens on him.

He gives me armor to crush those evil thoughts.

His power, which conquered death on a cross, lives in me.

Friends, it is a battle.  

Right now, I am reclaiming my thought life and am not going to believe those lies any longer.  I will find my value as the daughter of the King.  And my purpose to bring His Kingdom here on earth.  To serve.  To seek Him.  To be steadfast in my work.

Sisters, we need to be intentional with each other.  Lifting each other up.  Encouraging one another when we have the opportunity.  And fervently praying for one another.  Actively.  Boldly.

This season is a difficult one.  We are run into the ground by tiny little tornadoes who we love more than we could have ever imagined and have more energy than we could ever imagine.

But, let's be real, they are born into sin.  And we have the tremendous privilege and responsibility of these little lives being our mission field in this season.  And it's a battlefield.

So, what does it look like to encourage one another in this season?  The season where the coffee dates are play dates and incomplete with ten different half-finished conversations.  The season where your eyes feel to heavy to read the truth your heart needs.  The season where there are no good or bad grades to tell you how you're doing.  There is no longer an stamp of approval to affirm my hard work.  There aren't office hours.  The days are long.  The years are short.  And it's so so easy (for me) to forget that I'm a daughter of a King.  Doing the most important work there is.


I'm praying for you, sisters!  Even if I don't have time for coffee.  Even if we're tired and too distracted by our little blessings to encourage one another properly.  You, too, are the daughter of the King.  Fully equipped to live out his call on your life.  Loved by the creator of the universe.  Useful.  Beautiful.  Needed.

.. In all reality, how do you find yourself making sure you are filled with truth in this busy and exhausting season of motherhood?  How do you make sure you encourage (and are encouraged by) your sisters alongside you?  What does this look like in your life? ..


  1. Girl, thank you for the encouragement and honesty. I was just thinking this morning how tough it is. I'm sitting here trying to have quiet time and the whole entire family is up. Not really the "me" time, which I really need to get through the day.
    Quite honestly? I am one of those people that have to start the day with truth. That's the only way it sticks with me for the whole day.
    And as for encouraging other moms? Man, I guess I don't do a great job. :( But maybe now that I think about it, it can come in the form of just providing grace to others because I get it! haha. We're all in this together doing the best we can!
    Sorry if that's a whole lot of rambling. You struck a chord with me this morning :) Oh, and I'm drinking my coffee as I'm reading, so maybe this counts as a coffee date? ;)

  2. Great post. Thanks for the encouragement... I just started reading the battlefield of the mind by Joyce Meyer... You should take a look! Blessings....

  3. You are far from alone in this struggle, babe. And being open and honest about it helps expose and defeat Satan's lies, PLUS it helps others around you who fighting the same battle. So congrats, you just socked the father of lies in the mouth! Love you sweetie. And when I say that you are one of the most amazing mothers that I have ever known, that is with complete sincerity and admiration...and not a hint of partiality.:-) I love you so much.

  4. I think Jesus was teaching this to both of us simultaneously.

  5. Sweet, sweet words today, sister! Words that I need to hear. I totally crave community in my life and feel overwhelmed at times by motherhood. Thankful to know I am not alone and there are others praying for mamas like myself!