December 13, 2012

evening coffee

Most of my coffee dates these days are in the evening.  The kiddos are snuggled in bed and that cues mommy time.

So, if I wanted some one-on-one coffee time, chances are it is going to be at 7:30pm or later.

This also means I'm drinking decaf.

So, welcome.

If you came to my house right now you would see legos and race cars strewn around the floor.  I've decided it can wait until tomorrow.  The tree is lit.  The coffee is made.  And I'm ready to kick up my feet and sip slowly.

If you were here tonight, I'd probably ask you how your day was.  And when it was my turn I'd share about how this toddler stage has brought with it new challenges.  I'd talk about my desire to teach grace over punishment and the struggle I have when deciding how to discipline.  I'd tell you that Jude's breath holding spells seem to be coming back, and it just breaks my heart.  And that he has been a real Mama's boy, which doesn't so much break my heart, since I know it is a phase that I will miss one day.  It only makes getting things done a bit more difficult.

I'd also probably tell you that I think often about our future family.  What it will look like.  And my struggle with wanting to have a plan or even control of it all.  And I want to know right now what it is going to look like.  I would tell you we aren't done having biological kids, but that I still have a heart for adoption and I have no idea what that looks like for our family.  Only that I do hope that it does have a place for our family somehow, someday.

That would probably get me on the topic of my house.  My small house and my growing family.  I'd tell you that we are eager to have more space, but not eager enough that we rush.  I'd tell you that I've come to grips with the fact that I will likely have three children in a small house.  And I'm learning contentment.  While at the same time praying that the cards all fall into place when the time is right.

I'd tell you that I'm starting to meet with a college girl to disciple her.  And how many days I feel incredibly inadequate.  Days where I have been overly frustrated in motherhood and days where I am tired and spiritually under-fed.  I buy into the lies that I have to have it all together to pour into another's life.  Truth is, I really believe it is the opposite.  She'll see Christ in my weakness and I believe that.

Somewhere in all of that, I'd practice listening.  I'd ask about your life.  Your kids.  Your marriage.  Your dreams.  Your time with the Lord.  And I'd do my best to affirm.  Encourage.  Share in the triumphs and the tears.

And before you know it, it's been two hours and our eyelids are heavy.  But I'm still all ears if you have something left to share.


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