January 7, 2013

writing when writing is hard


Too many nights are like this.

Me.  With a topic I picked out a couple of weeks ago to write about (because I'm attempting to be super-organized like that).  Staring at a blank screen with ZERO inspiration to spit it out in words.

Because the inspiration hit while I was doing the dishes or maybe last night while I was showering.  Inspiration is never convenient.  At least not for me.

And right now, the scene is this.  Sick toddler with pink eye.  Do you feel like all I write about are my sick kids??  Because I do.  My Christmas tree is still up.  Laundry un-folded in the hamper.  It's 10:30pm and my New Years resolution was to be in bed by 10.  

And I stare at this blank screen thinking I just want to share life!!

Then I think, share what?  Share that my kids are sick and my Christmas tree is up and my house is never ever put-together?  Do people want to read my endless doting on my kids?  My struggles with prioritizing the things I've prioritized as important in life?  My sometimes directionless passion to spur women on in the monotony of stay-at-home-motherhood?  My weak attempts at simplifying life and living with less?

Doubt.

I'll admit it.  As much as I love writing, I sometimes doubt I have anything of value to say.  And so, on certain nights, I stick to my topic.  Force out some semi-inspired words that didn't flow as well as I like.  And kind of shrug my shoulders as I hit publish.

And somehow God shows me that my efforts are not in vain.  People are reading.  People are relating and being encouraged even when I feel weak in this calling.  

Your comments, even a simple "Amen!" or "Been there sister!" are so so so encouraging to me.  It is easy for this to feel like a one-sided conversation.  But with each post I invite you to share life with me as well.  

There is power in our stories.  Even in the monotony, where we see glimpses of grace and small moments of praise.  It's there.  In the word of our testimony, the living out of our every days, there is power.  

This is me being bold where I'm at right now.  This is me not doubting that my calling, specific to me, is important.  

Even as small as it may seem.

As small as a tiny little blog on the internet where I try to share life and speak truth.

As small as wiping messy peas of your 6 month olds face and giving thanks.

As small as writing that letter of encouragement that seems like nothing but really is everything.

Even when it isn't easy.  Even when it is uncomfortable or takes extra effort or boldness.  

This is my encouragement to you (and to me) to not doubt.  Grab your unique calling by the shoulders and be bold about it.  I'm stepping out in faith with you.




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