February 25, 2013
when he listens without understanding
Just now I was on the floor playing with the littlest, shortly after putting the big one down for a nap.
He doesn't like to nap. This I know. But I'm not about to wave my white flag on nap time. That one will be a battle I'll continue to fight. I need it as much as he does.
But he's always been content to goof around in his crib. I give him a few books and sometimes he dozes off and sometimes not.
This was one of the sometimes not times.
While playing peekaboo and urging the littlest to take a try at crawling, I suddenly hear, and feel, a huge thud. It shook the whole house. (our house is small, it doesn't take much)
And then nothing.
I think it was the nothing that scared me more. I pictured him falling on his head and unconscious on the floor. Even though I know this child is incredibly agile and excels at climbing, this was the image I had in my head as I ran toward his room.
I threw open is door and there he was.
Standing in the middle of his floor. Truck and blankie in hand. Grinning from ear to ear.
"What did you do???" The look on my face must have shown my fear, because the grin quickly turned to tears as he asked to be held.
I scooped him up and rocked him in my lap (since he has long outgrown my arms) and then had a very stern but gentle talk about staying in our crib.
I'm not sure I'll ever get used to my children getting older. Conquering new feats, I encourage and praise them, but it is bittersweet as I realize that it will never go back to the way it was before.
Some days the growing up is hard. Other days, it's wonderful.
There's nothing that has made be understand the Lord quite like parenthood. And why I am his child. And how he fathers me. And why he didn't create us to simply be controlled. A Lord creating us to choose Him.
How I love when my boy chooses to listen. Because when I tell him not to climb out of his crib, it isn't because I want to burst his bubble and ruin his fun or hinder his motor skill growth. Far from it. It's because I don't want him to fall on his head and hurt himself. He doesn't see that. He can't comprehend that right now.
But he listened. I put him back in his crib and gave him his books and he stayed right there. So we have the crib for at least one more night (until I can get a guard rail up). But I'm so proud of him when he listens, even without understanding.
Lord, what do I need to listen to? What do I need to have faith to do, despite understanding?