In the recent months, I've been reading the book Desperate by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson. [Sidenote: These two ladies have been more of an encouragement to me as a Mama through their books that I can really say. They understand and communicate the struggle and blessing of motherhood better than any other I've read. Highly recommend.]
Sarah Mae is honest about her struggle with self-discipline, and this has been a consistent, embarrassing struggle for me. There are many times I feel like, hey, I'm an adult. I should just suck it up and do what needs to be done.
But the laundry still piles. The bathroom goes too long without getting cleaned. And the to-do list only seems to get longer.
I'm running all day, but sometimes I worry that I must be lazy if I struggle to get some of these basic things done.
I feel like much of my struggle revolves around home-making. Running the household. And since I would consider my job title to be Mother and Homemaker for the next 18 plus years, this is an area I really would like to improve in.
Sarah Mae talks about self discipline and in one chapter she just says simply "resolve to do it". I think she was talking about reading the Word every day, but this phrase "resolve to do it" just stuck with me.
Resolving to do something is being faithful in the things that are hard. It is saying, "this isn't easy for me, but it is important. And I'm committed." It is being steadfast.
And this, my friends, is my word for 2014.
I like the first two definitions especially. To be fixed in direction. A steadfast gaze. My prayer is that my eyes would be on eternal, kingdom things. I was telling my hubby tonight that I feel like comfort and distraction are two of the enemy's favorite tools on us in this western culture. I want to engage in the battle for hearts.
And to be firm in purpose, resolution, faith. There are a lot of areas that I want to be firm in purpose, or intentional, about. My marriage, my parenting, my scripture study, of course. Sometimes it is hard to be firm in purpose in these areas.
I want to consider what blesses my husband and be steadfast in those things. Clean socks. Dinner served. Waking up to have breakfast with him. It's the small things.
In my parenting, I want to resolve to slow down (and not feel guilty when I do). Read more. Yell less. Play often. Keep on praying for these little people under my roof.
And I want to develop a vision for homemaking and be intentional in what matters (laundry, food, ya know) and not be so hard on myself in the areas that truly can slide. I want to view it through the lens of blessing my family. What most blesses them? And be faithful in that.
Steadfast. One foot in front of the other. Small commitments to love and bless with purpose and intention. All while the gaze is fixed on the eternal. This is my prayer for 2014.
January 5, 2014
Well, hello there. This is awkward.
Do you kind of feel like I stood you up for a coffee date? Or said I'd meet you at a book club or a yoga class and never showed?
I don't blame you if you do. And I'm sorry. I don't have a good excuse for completely cutting out of my 31 days of finding freedom, except to perhaps share the advice to not commit to 31 days of writing spontaneously at 11pm the night before the first post is due, with not much of a plan at all. And also, realizing that sharing my journey to finding freedom was more intense, and that posting then would have been a bit premature.
In any case. I'm here.
Hello. I've missed you.
And Happy New Year.
My journey to finding freedom is far from over.
It is easy to be jealous and discontent. To wallow in guilt, even. It is much harder to choose truth and love. A righteous life doesn't just happen. It is trusting God, instead of how I feel. A life fully alive in the Lord begins with faithfulness in the smallest of things. Choosing thoughts that are pure and lovely. Words that encourage and edify. Actions that serve and love. Doing what is wise and best, instead of what is easy.
There is freedom in this heart work. An end to our bondage through Christ. We just have to choose it to receive it. This is about where I have landed after my finding freedom journey from October.
January is just another month, but there is something inspiring about a fresh number atop the calendar. An opportunity to make 2014 the year that this or that changed or happened or was dreamed.
Which leads me to my word of the year for 2014....
... which I will share later this week. Because I need to redeem myself and I have no intention of standing you up once again.
It's good to be back, friends. Are you living free?