This is all still very very new to us. But, it hasn't taken long to learn that things keep moving swiftly along. Our application is being transferred from this person to that person and now we need this form completed, and that form notarized, and on and on. Not to mention, the prospect of the largest bill we have ever seen. Unfortunately, unlike giving birth, there is not health insurance to cover the costs associated with bringing this baby home.
There are many things that could scare us away. By the world's standards, there are many things we should fear. But I'm continually seeking to choose to surrender my mind to the Lord instead of to fear. Emotionally, there are times when I feel like WHAT are we doing?! because the unknown of it all feels like too much (and I know I haven't seen anything yet). But in the end, it is a decision that we make. Choosing to take the next step and to trust. That God will provide. WE are nothing special. The sweet girl that will (Lord willing) be a member of our family, however, is something spectacular and fierce. I know it already. But, right now, we are just making the decision to keep walking.
I'm studying Galatians right now with my Monday morning ladies, and the timing couldn't be more appropriate. I completed it on my own only weeks before starting this study, so it is being hammered in my head, and rightfully so. I am FREE in Christ. How many things in my life have I let bind me? How many things in my life have I tried to make my Savior? Far too many. Works. Comfort. Approval of my friends.
I've been reading a study guide by Tim Keller, and while studying Chapter 3, he made the observation that we tend to create our own functional saviors out of comfort, control, or approval. It just kind of stopped me in my tracks, making me examine my own heart. In my moments of anger, of fear, insecurity, or any emotion that is contradictory to what the Lord has instilled in me, what am I seeking more than Him?
Approval of other people?
I've written those three words in my journal to continually check if there is an area in my heart that is trying to make a savior out of one of those. Because these so-called functional "saviors" are not saviors at all. There is no saving being done. Only bondage to whatever it is you serve. I know it well.
It seems that no matter what is head of us, each day is just putting one foot in front of the other. Trusting the Lord and asking Him to mold us into what He needs us to be. Daily surrender. I wish it were more easy.
How's that for a few thoughts for a Friday night?