May 1, 2015

So, it's May.

So, it's May.

I haven't updated, not for lack of things to say, but it has been so hard to find the time to really flesh out all that has been going on into words.  Then I remember, for me, it is writing that is therapeutic and will help me process, so here we go.

We leave in 12 days.  TWELVE DAYS.  Twelve days until I will be in my littlest's country, only days away from squeezing his cheeks and making up for all the snuggles and kisses we've missed the previous 20 months.

My heart is in a state of constant tension right now.  So excited and eager to go get this boy and bring him home and begin the process of loving him to trust us and feel safe with us.  At the same time, right now I am already feeling grief over leaving my other two boys for 17 days.  I get choked up just thinking about it.

But here are some truths that I know.

1. God has us all.  All the time.  In our togetherness and in our separation.  God will be there, and he can communicate love and affection to my kids when they are not with me.  All three of them.

2. Jude and Isaac will be so loved and spoiled by my parents that I'm sure 17 days will feel like 17 seconds.  That, and I may have gone a little overboard on the daily gifts for them while we are gone.  Oh well, what can you do?  They will be in good hands.

3. Redemptive work often involves sacrifice.  In all honesty, I'm sure China is amazing, but I don't know that I would have just left my kids and sat on an airplane for 14 hours for the experience.  Actually, I do know.  I wouldn't do it.  This leaving 2 huge pieces of my heart is sacrifice.  It's part of the hard work.

4. But, then I'm reminded that in 17 days, there is a boy who will be mine and will be a part of a family for the first time in his life and what JOY that gives me.  I have only a tiny picture of what this next season of our life is going to look like, but I do know that it involves a lot of trust in God.

People ask me, are you ready?  Yes, and no.  Yes, because I CAN NOT WAIT for my family of 5 to be under one roof.  No, because how are you ever ready for something that is going to completely change your life?  I have no idea.  But I know God is about to perform a great work, bringing a family-less boy into our family, and he will qualify Jordan and I for the job.  So, yes, as unready as we are, we will be ready.