*repost from original facebook posts
The doctor called during lunch. Not expecting any results yet, I answered expecting him to just ask how he did. But quickly, I learned that we do have results and they are not favorable. Suspicious is the word they used. I also quickly learned that when it comes to making appointments with pediatric oncologists, they just call and tell you when to be there. And life suddenly has to revolve and fit around the people who we’re entrusting to make our child well.
Isaac’s biopsy returned suspicious - his white blood cells don’t look right, and they want to do a full excision biopsy to get a better idea what they’re dealing with. To nail down a diagnosis. I asked my doctor if it could be anything but cancer at this point, and he said probably not. He can think of one instance where they got to this point and were surprised that it wasn’t. So while we don’t have a diagnosis, it feels like we do. Tomorrow he goes to a pediatric surgeon and a pediatric oncologist for more follow-up.
We told Isaac what was going on. He’s sad about more appointments, surgery. But this kid is the sweetest you’ll ever know. He smiles when he’s sad or nervous or unsure. We asked him if he knew what cancer was and explained in kid-terms that it’s possible his cells aren’t regenerating the way they’re supposed to, and while he doesn’t feel sick, it’s good to catch this before he does. We warned him that the road to get healthy cells is long and can be hard. But we’re there to the ends of the earth for him. We then called in the brothers and got them up to date. It’s so hard when life looks so very normal to be on the cusp of something very much not. Hard for a 7-year-old to understand.
All week I’ve felt like I’m in the middle of a before and after. The waiting is torturous. Before what? Cancer? Or a cancer scare? I’m feeling more like we have an answer.
But again - God hasn’t left us alone.
Jordan was supposed to be in Dallas Monday-Tuesday. His trip suddenly got switched to Tuesday, so he was able to go to the biopsy with us. Then, today, his flight kept getting delayed. Because of that delay, he was home when I got the call of the results. I was so anxious that I would be alone getting these phone calls. And now, because of the delay, he was able to cancel his trip and go with us the appointments tomorrow. I know all of this is the Lord. Not a doubt in my mind.
I feel like the Lord has given me the song “Raise a Hallelujah” all year as an anthem. It has spontaneously played in the car twice for me just this week when I didn’t select anything. The Lord. Two friends have randomly sent the song to me. The Lord. This song is filled with the spirit and was written for a boy who was brushing death as a claim to healing. And the boy was healed. I am believing that this is the Lord helping me speak life over this situation. I believe that the Lord is bringing this song to me as hope for healing.
I’m so sad. No parent wants to see this sort of message with their child’s name and picture attached to it. You don’t think of your kids life including hardships like this. But I also keep thinking of the idea of suffering producing faith. And it is my prayer that this journey will be a testimony for Isaac (and us) to bring hope to the world. I’m allowed to be sad and mad and devastated and angry and confused and all those things. I’m also allowed to have extravagant hope. It is all of it.